The Rusty Anchor

Posted on April 21, 2011

Mamma Biscuit’s rescue from the puppy mill and her adoption into our household has afforded her the fabulous golden years that she so rightly deserves. It also comes as no surprise that our Lady of Biscuits has a soft spot in her heart for the Golden Girls—After all, she is one herself and can relate to all of their adventures.

Whether it’s Dorothy Zbornak’s lonely and dateless Saturday nights wearing layers upon layers of robes that are cloaked with a hideous brooch, or Sophia Petrillo’s impromptu tales of life in Sicily and ties to the mob, or Rose Nylund’s exhaustive and pointless stories growing up in St. Olaf, Minnesota, or Blanche Devereaux and her numerous sexcapades, Mamma and her two dads enjoy tuning in—late night— with a large cheesecake and a plate of soft-chew treats. With that said, Mamma was very adamant about visiting The Rusty Anchor (along the docks) while visiting the greater Miami area. For those of you who don’t know, The Rusty Anchor is Blanche Devereaux’s infamous, go-to bar where all of her passionate romances began and it’s understandable that Mamma would want to try her luck at this fine establishment too.

Here are a few photos of our little tramp spilling out of The Rusty Anchor and onto the docks after a night out with Blanche. It’s a good thing Mamma had the foresight to call her two dads to pick her up in the morning. Apparently, Blanche got lucky and went home with a gentleman-caller and left our little Biscuit at the bar by herself! Oh, and in case you are wondering, we did pick up an ept test on the way home and Mamma is in the clear—thank goodness!

Click here to see a video clip of Blanche Elizabeth Devereaux (BED) trying to win the attention of all the men at The Rusty Anchor (and competing with Dorothy) by attempting to sing “I Wanna Be Loved By You” written by Herbert Stothart and Harry Ruby, with lyrics by Bert Kalmar, for the 1928 musical Good Boy. Skip to the 5:46 mark to see this epic performance unfold as Mamma hides under the table from embarrassment!

Enjoy

Posted in Wharf Life | 3 Comments

Horsin’ Around!

Posted on April 20, 2011

There is one thing that every girl hopes and dreams for in her lifetime and despite what Wedding Central at WE TV or Tyra Banks says, it doesn’t have anything to do with looking and acting like a self-entitled “princess” on her wedding day—or worse, becoming America’s Next Top Model. No, we’re talking about many sleepless nights wishing and dreaming, pleading with God, Santa, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy—even the Great Pumpkin from the pumpkin patch (damn you Linus—you blockhead) to deliver a beautiful and magical pony. This past weekend, Mamma Biscuit was reminded of how it’s never too late for dreams to come true and that good things really do come to those who wait when she received her very own rocking pony from her insanely wacky grandmother who clearly believes (as she should) that Mamma is her real grand daughter. Our little gremlin was just completely barkless and beside herself. First it was freedom from the puppy mill and now this—clearly, there is a God because all of Mamma’s prayers have been answered.

Mamma quickly hopped onto her new pony with ease and was able to ride and rock like a pro. In fact, she could straddle and ride her pony better than Debra Winger as Sissy could ever ride a mechanical bull in Urban Cowboy—and that’s on her first try. We have decided that this special pony will remain at Nonna’s house—there’s absolutely no room at the pug palace for such a device and Mamma will be able to enjoy her pony whenever she visits. In conclusion, the Biscuits implore you to hold onto your dreams—with enough tenacity, you too can eventually win the lottery or better yet, get your very own rocking pony.

Enjoy

Posted in Oddities | 4 Comments

Mamma’s pre-Easter Christmas picks

Posted on April 19, 2011

As we approach the bloody and violent death of Jesus Christ (note to Mel Gibson), Mamma and the Biscuits are busy preparing for his immaculate birth with these fantastic new seasonal items. Don’t roll your eyes people, Mamma’s really excited to show you her new goods so put your Paas egg dying kit down for a hot second and come with us to Mamma’s workshop in the north pole, you’ll be glad you did.

First up is this amazing, hand-blown glass ornament of the Christmas tree at Rockefeller Center in New York City. This substantial piece measures over 6” in height, more than 4″ in width and will undoubtedly command a lot of attention and space on our tree. It is beautifully crafted in Poland and captures the glittery magic of the tree while also highlighting the Prometheus Fountain (sculpted by Paul Manship) which symbolizes, among other things, the vital forces present in the midst of our city. This ornament will be a great new edition to our large and growing collection of landmark-themed ornaments from around the world.

Next on our palette is everyone’s best friend (besides Mamma Biscuit)—chocolate! OK, it may be toxic for dogs to ingest but that doesn’t mean Mamma can’t fantasize about a nice, rich piece of chocolate. To help her along with that fantasy is this really unique ornament of an unwrapped chocolate bar. In all of our years collecting, we have never come across an ornament quite like this—and it’s life-size too. This piece is also beautifully crafted in Poland and is rendered in such a realistic way that we’ll have to hang it high on our tree so we don’t risk Mamma attempting to gum at it like a treat right off a branch during the season.

Our last selection can also qualify as one of the more unique ornaments we have acquired in our collection—an Earl Gray tea bag. Not that we support those pesky, right-wing tea baggers however, we do enjoy a nice cup of Earl Gray every once in a while so why not represent it on our Christmas tree as well. Unfortunately, this ornament was made in China and the quality isn’t so great. There is nothing we dislike more than a glass ornament that sounds and feels like plastic—and that’s what this is, however the mere fact that it’s a tea bag ornament was enough for us to look beyond this flaw.

See, that wasn’t so bad, and I’ll bet you all are inspired and excited for the upcoming season. But for now, you may go back to staining eggs and harassing rabbits!

Posted in Holiday | 4 Comments

Palm Sunday

Posted on April 17, 2011

On this Palm Sunday, let us feast to commemorate Mamma’s triumphal escape from her imprisonment at the puppy mill and let us give thanks for her boundless love. Perched upon a donkey to symbolize peace, Mamma entered our free world only to become an icon for animal rights and pet adoptions across the land. So grab your palm leaves and a bag of soft-chew treats to celebrate and honor Mamma’s arrival. Blessed is she who comes in the name of Biscuits. Our Patron Saint of Biscuits.
Amen and Halleluuuuu

XOXO
The Biscuits

Posted in Holiday | 6 Comments

Uptown girl, downtown attitude!

Posted on April 15, 2011

Our urban girl can be spotted all around town running errands, jumping from park bench to street corner and generally spreading her good cheer to the average Manhattanite. Spring is in the air and no one can keep our Biscuit from the vast outdoors of this great big city—after all there’s an adventure on every corner just waiting to happen. Here are some photos of Mamma dazzling the locals with her charm at Verdi Square (72nd Street and Broadway and Amsterdam) on the Upper West Side. Our Lady of Biscuits deserved a few treats after the hardcore negotiating she did at the nearby flea market. We couldn’t have found a better location for her to enjoy those treats in than this quaint park along our way, heading southbound on Broadway.

When our uptown girl arrived downtown, Mamma was greeted with a huge wallpaper of Lady Gaga on the side of a building. She was totally in shock and had no idea that Gaga carried flints in her bra. Just so you know, Mamma is staunchly against pyrotechnics infused into garments when making a fashion statement but she understands Lady Gaga’s desire (and poor attempt we might add) to recreated Madonna’s cone bra circa Jean Paul Gaultier. We encouraged our little gremlin to put her paws up for Mother Monster but she seemed a bit disinterested—rightfully so I guess. After all, there is only room for one blond ambition in Mamma Biscuit’s pantheon.

Enjoy

Posted in NYC Life | 2 Comments