Bag of Biscuits

Here’s Mamma as happy as a clam sitting in her Lacoste carry bag. Our Lady of Biscuits usually prefers to be carried by six muscular, shirtless, Italian men wearing loin clothes paired with gladiator sandals while perched upon a bed of luxurious silks and linens but we’re just not budgeted for such a request. So the next best thing is this Lacoste beach bag made of super soft terrycloth fabric. The moment we pull it out of the closet, Mamma jumps up and down, excited because she knows that she’s going where daddy is going!

Posted in Fashion, Transportation | 2 Comments

Mamma Biscuit has a bone to pick with Galliano

The House of Biscuits apologizes for waiting so long to release a statement regarding John Galliano and his anti-Semitic rants in Paris recently. It has been a struggle to digest these vile and disgusting attacks brought forth by Mr. Galliano—a man who we have personally grown to love and admire creatively in fashion for the longest time. A man who has inspired Mamma Biscuit to channel her best Anna Wintour (Galliano’s strongest cheerleader) and inspired our personal style so much that I have interpreted being Mr. Galliano for Halloween in 2009, see photo below.

The Biscuit family is disgusted, disappointed and revolted by the beliefs and the behavior of John Galliano. Regardless of how creative or intelligent any human being may be, all of those gifts will inevitably fall short in the presence of discriminatory hatred—which inevitably leads to verbal or physical violence. We have no sympathy for John Galliano. We have no tolerance for anyone who harbors such beliefs; who trivializes or glorifies the Holocaust and the life of Adolph Hitler as well as the entire gamut of general anti-Semitism that seems to resurface all the time. We view all discrimination the same way—racism, homophobia, sexism, xenophobia and speciesism. We also believe that elitism, religious beliefs or economic brackets should not define and defend a hierarchy of varying levels of acceptance within this list of hate. We celebrate living in this age of technology where we are forced to take responsibility for our actions—whether it is a corrupt government or a drunk fashion designer sitting at a table—the whole world is watching!

Mamma Biscuit is deeply disappointed and may never look at the house of Dior the same way again. If the Galliano pill was hard to swallow, we were totally baffled when Patricia Field came forward publicly to John’s defense with her stunningly stupid and ignorant attempt at using Mr. Galliano’s professional world (the fashion industry bubble) and his theatrical persona as an excuse for his behavior. So to Patricia Field, we say that this is not scripted theater about the Holocaust or the John Galliano hour—this is his TRUE self surfacing after the lubrication of too much alcohol in real time. We are surprised that a woman like Patricia Field cannot draw the parallels of discrimination being that she is an amazing and influential advocate for gay, lesbian, transgendered and bisexual rights here in New York City and especially focuses those efforts with gay youth and homelessness.

The time has come for Mr. Galliano to really apologize for his behavior and to seek enlightenment through professional counseling. If we, the public, can celebrate the diversity that his persona and sexual orientation brings to the fashion world as well as the world at large, then he shall learn how to celebrate the rich diversity that Jews bring to this world—like any other group of people whom should be valued and respected with decency, kindness and compassion—we are all human beings that yearn to be treated with these exact same values.

OK, Mamma Biscuit can now jump off her soapbox—the Pug has spoken!

Posted in Soapbox | 16 Comments

Got Sorbet?

This is what happens when a pug is in the presence of Sharon’s Sorbet in Mixed Berry. Mamma can be in a deep sleep in her donut bed for hours but the moment one of her daddies walk into the room with food in their hands, she miraculously springs up to form and is ready to pounce. We really can’t blame the Biscuit Lady—we love Sharon’s Sorbet as much as she does—all nine flavors. If you haven’t tried this amazing vegan delight then you are totally missing out. Yummy!

Posted in Treats | 2 Comments

The Biscuit Book Club

Mamma Biscuit is a pug of many interests and these interests vary from simply going on small walks in circles around her dad to being an advocate in her community for puppy mill reform—and everything that falls in between. Besides Mamma’s Guinness-Book-of-World-Record-breaking naps, the second most important hobby of hers is to curl up with a good book. Forget Oprah and her book club, she’s too busy pretending to be a vegan for a week and still pushing The Secret, ughh. Mamma has a list of far better book recommendations. So go on, give yourself an exercise and adventure of the mind! Below is a list of books that Mamma thinks you should read and why:

You Better Not Cry by Augusten Burroughs. This book is the perfect read for any canine or human who is obsessed with the Christmas holiday the way Mamma Biscuit is. Mamma usually reads this collection of fantastic and humorous holiday short stories twice a year—once to kick off Christmas in July on QVC and once on Black Friday—Mamma’s official date when she plugs in all the lights and flips the switch with her tongue as if it were the tree lighting event at Rockefeller Center—all to usher in the season! For those of you who are real Christmas junkies (you know who you are), Mamma would also suggests reading the chapter on Christmas in John Waters’ book entitled Crackpot—It’s best read out loud on Christmas Eve just before the clock strikes twelve.

Eating Animals by Jonathan Safran Foer. Coming from a torturous past of being raised in a puppy mill and being forced to bear litter after litter of puppies for pet stores without any freedoms such as sunshine and basic outdoor life, Mamma Biscuit can totally relate to the struggles of other animals who are tortured daily and raised for food! This book sheds light on fully understanding the truth about where and how your food comes to you on your plate and how increasing global demand for meat has turned traditional husbandry farming to global modern-day factory farming. If you care to understand the state of current animal welfare, the welfare of this planet and our environment, the welfare of your health as well as the health of your children and family and the welfare of global poverty then Mamma Biscuit recommends reading this book! Mamma herself sustains on a vegan diet of Dick Van Patten’s Natural Balance Dog Formula and absolutely loves it!

Hip-Hop for Dogs by Janet Perr. Ever since Mamma has moved to Washington Heights in NYC, her culture has needed some adjustment. Back at the puppy mill in Atlanta, Georgia, she had been kept indoors under fluorescent lights and in a cage all day and all night—she came to her two dads not knowing who Queen Latifah was or that Snoop Doggy Dog is really not a DOG. Mamma was able to brush up on her urban lingo with this extensive guide that Janet Perr has put together. From Bling to Phat, after reading this book, Mamma has become one cool cat! For more information on this hysterical book, visit http://hiphopfordogs.com/

Role Models by John Waters. Mamma enjoys spending her summers in Provincetown, Massachusetts with her two dads and occasionally, she rubs elbows…err, I mean paws with some of her idols who happen to be locals during the season—John Waters being one of them! Mamma has made John Waters one of her role models ever since she saw Divine attempting to be the filthiest woman alive in Pink Falmingos by eating dog poop! In this book, Mamma learns who inspires the “Pope of Filth”—everyone from Johnny Mathis and Little Richard to a lesbian stripper named Zorro and a marine pornographer named Bobby Garcia—among many more! Although John has extreme views on gays with their pets, Mamma and her two dads forgive him for having this opinion and continue to admire his work—especially this book!

Gym, Tanning, Laundry: The Official Jersey Shore Quote Book. Mamma Biscuit has been following this group of Guidos and Guidettes since the first season on MTV and she finds Snooki to be very entertaining—probably because they are both the same size and species, although Mamma stopped using hair spray years ago. Gym, Tanning and Laundry can help any cougar like Mamma discern between a grenade or a stage five clinger. Mamma loves her male dogs young and juiced up and this book has helped her in and out of any Situation and I’m sure it could do the same for you. You can borrow Mamma’s copy of Gym, Tanning, Laundry but don’t leave it in the smoosh room, it’s her only copy and she wouldn’t want it to get soiled—after all, her dad designed the book cover!

and last but not least,

A Shore Thing by Nicole SNOOKI Polizzi. From shwores to tanscaping, this book is the ultimate Jersey Shore novel for the canine with an Italian owner. Coming off from the Gym, Tanning, Laundry book, Mamma Biscuit suggests you follow up with A Shore Thing. Let Snooki take you on a summer adventure starring Giovanna “Gia” Spumanti and her cousin Isabella “Bella” Rizzoli, both who are determined to have the sexiest, sleaziest summer ever down at the Shore. These girls pouf up their hair, put on their stilettos, and head to Karma every night in search of a smoosh partner—but do they both end up finding love in the process? Mamma knows and she’s not telling—a girl never talks! Although this cover is iconic and fantastic, Mamma recommends that you wrap it with a brown paper bag like a high school text book to save face while reading this tawdry tale on your commute to work—she also suggest you take a shot of penicillin before even touching the book—just reading a review alone could give anyone herpes—you’all have been warned!

Posted in Book Club | 14 Comments

Mamma Biscuit for Sonia Rykiel

Mamma Biscuit’s good friend and French fashion designer, Sonia Rykiel has asked her to model one of her legendary knit sweaters for her new ad campaign (which will run exclusively in Dogue magazine, French Edition next month). Sonia’s knits have been iconic for many years now as she was crowned “Queen of Knits” by the Americans in 1967—many years before Mamma was even born. Sonia knows that Mamma Biscuit has seen every trend come and go—from every hemline, silhouette, cut and drape but when it comes to knits, there is no other canine aficionado in this world than our Lady of Biscuits!

In these outtakes, It is clear that Mamma knows how to work her stout frame wearing this fantastic black and cream striped sweater from Sonia’s latest knit collection. She has also paired this look with a hand-crafted plaid deer brooch from her private collection to finish off this look! Fresh, modern and most importantly, timeless!

For more information on Sonia Rykiel visit her web site at www.soniarykiel.fr

Posted in Fashion, Knitware | 6 Comments