Labor Day has come and gone and the easy and carefree summer days are coming to a close. The new school year has just begun and Mamma Biscuit has been preparing for her first day of class. Surprised? Our little bitch may be 10 years old but sheâ€™s never too old to continue to higher her education and to brush up on her literature studies. Yes, we run a tight ship at the Biscuit householdâ€”ok, we may not be as strict as Madonna, afterall we do allow TV watching (a whole lot of it in fact), magazines (OK Magazine and the Inquirer mostly) and bouquetâ€™s of Hydrangeas in the house, however, we also expect our little gremlin to stay sharp and engaged! So Mamma Biscuit has enrolled at the local community college to take a Literature 101 course. Sheâ€™s prepared to throw herself into the classicsâ€”Hamlet, Romeo and Juliet, Julius Ceasar and Macbeth among many other works from Shakespeareâ€”and boy is she excited!
Now, to prepare for the curriculum of this class weâ€™re sending Mamma Biscuit off in style with a fabulous new black dress with white polka dots for her to wear on her first day (a good first-impression is very important), a stack of our original copies of Shakespeares’ works tied together with a rope/belt from my Jean Paul Gaultier sailor-inspired pants (she has two gay dads, what the hell did you expect), and a nice juicy apple for her professor as a greeting gift! Now if that doesnâ€™t reek of an A+ then put me back in remedial classes with detention for a monthâ€”what the hell do I know!
Lastly, letâ€™s all pray that our little bitch actually goes to class this year. Mamma is easily distracted and has a tendency to hop into open car doors (slut) and is always looking for a treat to snack onâ€”especially while smoking in the girls bathroom. I can just see her now running down some dank hallway into the girls bathroom dragging our books all over the floor only to have a smoke with Divine and her hair-whore friends to bitch about having parents who won’t buy her a pair of Cha Cha heelsâ€”they seem to be all the rage this year!
Enjoy the new school year and BEHAVE!