A Backwoods Christmas!

Mamma Biscuit and family understand that the fabulousness of Christmas doesn’t only exist within the confines of the dirty and over-crowded streets of an urban metropolis. Just ask Dolly Parton and Kenny Rogers and they’ll both sing you an entire albums worth of Christmas songs from and for the rural smoky mountain folk who actually burn a real yule log instead of playing it digitally on the TV screen—like us! So to honor those folks out yonder, Mamma Biscuit has put together a small and humble paper village of vintage goods and accessories that will surely make you yearn to live in a small town like Chevy Chase in Funny Farm, or worse, Diane Keaton in Baby Boom. It’s amazing what people will do to experience that Norman Rockwell/Americana Christmas that is displayed all over those damn greeting cards—alongside Santa guzzling a bottle of Coca-Cola before stuffing his wide ass back up your chimney!

Now this paper village is a budding new obsession of mine—as you can see, we only have three buildings but might I warn you that this is exactly how Mamma’s Metropolis got started back in the day, and I have no doubt this will triple in size come Christmas 2012! I really got into collecting those vintage pines in different colors—hey, Mamma needs a variety of tree trunks to pee on, I was only thinking of her! This small vignette of a town is the perfect Christmas getaway from Mamma’s Metropolis—the deer can roam free without the threat of being run over by an SUV with skis attached to the roof—there are no paved roads YET!

So now that Christmas Village Week is coming to a close, the Biscuits will be preparing to unveil Mamma’s grand tree and the overly-decked halls within the pug palace next week—so brace yourself, because Mamma’s tree makes a Christopher Radko showroom look like Christmas in a Swedish household—tasteful yet full of too much negative space!

And lastly, the best gift this world has ever given us all is Dolly Parton and her unyielding love for Christmas—that and a bust that would honestly make me go straight!

8 days left, if your credit cards aren’t maxed out then you are a cheap slob, end of story!


This entry was posted in Holiday. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to A Backwoods Christmas!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *