No matter how hard I try and convince myself or others that the Easter bunny is cute, the truth is, he’s not. Don’t fight this people, just accept the fact that the Easter bunny is one creepy-borderline-insane-looking holiday character brought to life every year in malls across the United States. No matter where you are geographically, the Easter bunny costumes are just rendered to provoke horror rather than joy! Every year I have visions of an adorable, fury cadbury bunny hopping around the hills of a park hiding beautifully painted Easter eggs for all the little boys and girls to find while wearing seersucker suits and pastel dresses. You know, a Martha Stewart Easter vignette that makes you want to rewatch the ending of Steel Magnolias over and over again. I mean, that’s the way Easter should be, right? Unfortunately, the harsh reality sets in and my illusions are instantly pulverized when I find myself stumbling upon a grown man with prison tattoos wearing an Easter bunny suit taking a cigarette break and generally snarling at anyone who dares to gaze in his direction longer than five seconds while walking through a mall, a department store or a nursery. “Get lost kid, I’m on a cigarette break” is what he’ll say to some snott-nosed kid right before taking a swig of rubbing alcohol mixed with whiskey from a flask neatly hidden between the folds of his fury white pants! OK, maybe that’s the John Waters in me speaking but seriously, I have yet to encounter an Easter bunny costume that actually looks cute, have you?
Anyway, I thought it would be a great idea to bring Mamma Biscuit in for some awkward portraits with a creepy Easter bunny to celebrate the betrayal, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. In fact, I kept repeating, “he died for your sins, the Easter bunny died for your sins” to Mamma as she sat timidly on his lap while taking these photographs! She didn’t care nor did she have enough courage to actually look up at the Easter bunny’s morphine-addicted eyes and pedophile-style grin. She focused primarily on the soft chew peanut butter treats dangling in front of the lens of my camera and once again, I got my shots! Want to know where this Easter bunny resides? That would be The Dees’ Nursery & Florist out in Oceanside, Long Island. These are the same folks we visit every year on Black Friday for portraits of Mamma Biscuit with Santa Claus. You all should have seen how excited I was when I learned that the Easter bunny was available at Dees’ to make children all across Long Island scream from pure horror! It just tickles me to know that there are parents out there that want to traumatize their children as much as I did Mamma Biscuit for these Easter portraits!
Mamma Biscuit was wearing her fabulous new Easter frock for our visit with the Easter bunny. A wallpaper of pink, orange and yellow flowers on this ruffled dress paired with giant pearls all conspired to make Mamma Biscuit the fashion plate at Dees’. In fact, Mamma plans on wearing this same exact dress during the Last Supper and she intends on tipping Jesus off on whom will betray him—and that would be a haggard and slightly overweight Lady Gaga singing Judas at the far side of the table.
Mamma of course will be sitting right beside our Savior and Madonna (no, not his mother, the other one who insist on thrusting her vagina in our faces while singing Like a Virgin) along with Mary Magdalene (another slut) and St. John—cough, cough, that would be me! Here are some portraits we took of Mamma Biscuit in her fabulous Spring frock outside after our meet-and-greet with Mr. Easter bunny.
Now onto the most important aspect of the Easter holiday, Mamma’s annual Easter tree! You’ve been waiting all year for this and the time has finally come. Mamma’s tree stands in our living room corner in all of its Easter glory bringing us a much needed Springtime cheer in the never-ending Winter we’ve been having.
Created with several bushels of pussy willows, aquamarine colored eggs piled at the bottom of the vase for aesthetic support and trimmed with vintage hand cut paper ornaments, cracked eggs, glass birds and paper carrots—this display is one giant Easter extravaganza!
I’m always amazed at how good Mamma Biscuit is about not bumping into any display we put up in the home with her stout frame—Christmas must have taught her a thing or two about maneuvering around home decor within our living environment, that’s for sure!
The Pug Palace would not be complete during any Holiday without some cute and adorable vintage pieces scattered about!
So that’s it folks. The Biscuit family would like to wish you all a very Hoppy Easter. Hopefully, Spring will show up soon—at least two weeks before Autumn arrives!