A Queen errr I mean a King is Born!

This great Christmas day has finally arrived, can we get a Hallelujah?! Today is a very special day when children worldwide run towards their Christmas tree at mock speed to rip open their gifts while making a complete mess out of their living rooms with wrapping paper and half-torn boxes. As the frenzy comes to a close (basically 2 minutes later) all of these children begin to feel unsatisfied, unfulfilled and totally disgruntled with Santa Claus and their parents. I’m not even going to imagine what teens worldwide are feeling today because it’s just common knowledge that all of them hate their parents on any given day, so no matter what they get for Christmas, I’m sure the hate just intensifies. Now while all the young children are crying because all you neglectful parents have forgotten to pack batteries with their electronic toys—and the phone happens to be ringing off the hook from an array of persistent collection agencies, Mamma and the Biscuits would like to remind everyone of the real reason why we celebrate Christmas—and that is the alleged birth of Jesus Christ! That’s really not why we celebrate Christmas but I thought I would shame everyone this morning! Now at the Biscuit household, we honor baby Jesus by putting together a very humble yet adorable dog Nativity scene—all to express our birthday wishes while entertaining ourselves with irony and humor. Now notice how the pug in this vignette happens to be one of the three wise men. I just love that! We always knew pugs had so much wisdom behind those watery, glassy, marble eyes—and Mamma Biscuit is no different! But seriously though, our humble Nativity scene doesn’t compare to the mother of all Nativity scenes that you are about to see—so brace yourself, the second coming has arrived!

Now I’ve mentioned in passing about my Italian roots from time to time on this blog but let me explain further: my Italian parents had no idea what a Christmas tree was when they arrived in this country 40 years ago. That’s right, in the old country, these mountain folk from Calabria would celebrate Natale (Christmas in Italian) by erecting a giant Nativity scene. In fact, the first nativity scene was created in Italy and it was life-size—that being they were real people standing still in position! Can you imagine how awful that was for someone with restless leg syndrome? Italians also receive gifts from La Befana, an old woman/witch who delivers these gifts to children throughout Italy on Epiphany Eve (the night of January 5) by riding around on her broomstick! It’s frightening! This bitch delivers cheese, soppressata (an Italian cured dry salami) and cookies to all the little boys and girls. She actually passes these foods off as gifts. Honestly, what would a vegan household do with a bitch like La Befana, but I digress, back to the Nativity scene.

Every year, my Pops puts together a giant Nativity scene furnished entirely from the Fontanini Collection. Now picture my dad wearing a three-piece suit, mob-coiffed hair and tinted glasses alla John Gotti while scouring the woods for bark, rocks, dirt and twigs to create the landscape to this mess! I guess it’s true when they say that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree because I totally get his infatuation, obsession and commitment to this display!

Oh do I have fond memories of my parents arguing and yelling at each other over the placement of a herd of sheep or the positioning of the barn/inn where Jesus was born. There hateful arguments would practically turn our gaudy living room into a chapel! I also marvel at my dads’ technique, his design solutions to such a layout! The man uses crumpled up paper bags from the local Food Emporium and spray paints them to add mountainous texture within his mock caves—what a genius!

Anyway, Mamma Biscuit would like to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas and no matter what you believe in, the one thing we can all agree on is that we all get a little crazy during this time of year! Yes, we’re here to encourage you to embrace the CRAZY because it just might yield you a giant Nativity scene like the one in this post—or something equally as disturbing!


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