Our Funny Valentine!


My funny Valentine
Sweet comic Valentine
You make me smile with my heart
Your looks are laughable
Yet you’re my favorite work of art

Is your figure less than Greek
Is your mouth a little weak
When you open it to speak
Are you smart?

But don’t change a hair for me
Not if you care for me
Stay little Valentine stay
Each day is Valentine’s Day


Valentine’s Day has finally arrived and the Biscuit Household is all a-buzz with the celebration of life, love and our very own funny Valentine! Now Frank Sinatra may have gotten it half right because our little gremlin is totally photographable and her figure matches that of any canine from Hellenic times, however, Mamma Biscuit sure does make us smile & laugh and her list of imperfections all conspire to make her one amazing little girl! Now it’s no secret to anyone out there that I’m possessive of my funny little Valentine. What can I say, I’m an Italian Daddy that dotes over her as if she were my real daughter—and quite frankly, I see no problem with that! When Valentine’s Day rolls around, I get this nauseous feeling in the pit of my stomach just wondering if Mamma’s gonna receive a bouquet of flowers or some heart-shaped box full of chocolates from some gentleman-pug-caller! Don’t give me the side-eye people, I nearly had a coronary stroke last year when Tommy played that awful trick on me by propping a box of drugstore chocolates from Russell Stover against the front door of the Pug Palace with a note written to Mamma Biscuit from her secret Valentine. Can you believe him? THE NERVE! Now if there is any dog out there in the neighborhood that has eyes for my little girl, they better come barking for my permission first before making such a bold move as sending gifts with a romantic angle attached to them! This year we decided to make Mamma Biscuit our very own special Valentine! First, I had the painstaking task of attaching a “return to sender” note to all of the flowers, candy and notes of love from all the male dogs in the neighborhood—oh and one really confused female bull dog who sports an entire wardrobe of flannel no matter what time of year it may be! There must have been a whole lot of depressed dogs dealing with rejection issues walking around Fort Tryon Park in the past week leading up to today because the Valentine’s Day gifts and cards came in by the truck load and the post office became my second home last week! Hey, what Mamma doesn’t know won’t hurt her—Jesus, when did I turn into my overbearing, immigrant father? I’m quite disgusted with myself! All kidding aside though, if I hear just one male dog bark for Mamma to “throw down her hair” alla Rapunzel from the fire escape because he’s in a romantic mood tonight, I think I might just fall off the deep end! I know, I love her too much and want her all for myself—is that such a crime?


So today we decked our little fashion plate out with a new Valentine’s Day frock paired with a set of big pearls around her neck! Honestly, Mamma is totes giving us Michelle-Obama-White-House-Realness with this shoulder-bearing number!


This sweet bouclé fabric is just the right amount of pink and chocolate brown to make any heart melt with cuteness-overload! I also love the black velour neckline and waistband that clasps together with a diamond-lined heart accessory! Mamma Biscuit is all about the detailing when it comes to her wardrobe— you’ve all seen her brooch collection!


Now Mamma may not have indulged in those Valentine’s Day chocolates but she sure did receive a boat-load of treats throughout this photoshoot—peanut butter treats to be exact! After snapping these lovely Valentine’s Day portraits, we decided to deck the tree in Mamma’s living room with vintage Valentine’s Day ornaments to make her Pug Palace feel more festive!


While I was hanging the ornaments, the Biscuit Lady fell asleep clutching her heart-shaped box of chocolates and making it a pillow to rest her chin on! So typical of our little gremlin to fall asleep after devouring treats and running around in circles in front of my camera lens for 15 minutes! The soundtrack on the stereo system was A Date With John Waters—a patchwork of dark, twisted, off-kilter love songs from the self-proclaimed master of bad taste! Tommy gifted me this signed copy for Valentine’s Day many years ago and we break it out every Valentine’s Day for a full listen!


So that’s it folks, Mamma Biscuit and family would like to officially wish you all a very Happy Valentine’s Day! Tommy and I will be spending the evening with our little pug, nestled between us, WHERE SHE BELONGS instead of gallivanting out on the town with some secret male pug lover—she’s just not ready to date in my opinion,
maybe next year!


Happy Valentine’s Day my sweet, funny Valentine—you’ve got a lot of class!


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