2012 is slowly coming to an end and we here in the West are still scratching our heads as to how the Mayan calendar has come to an end without some ridiculous apocalyptic event taking place! A year before we had to deal with Harold Camping and his squad of idiotic followers preaching that “Judgment Day” was just around the corner—and of course, no one with half a brain cell could possibly take any of that crap seriously—but the Mayans, those people were so damn accurate and reliable that for a hot second, Mamma Biscuit and I thought it would be wise to build a fall out shelter below the Pug Palace! Seriously, only for one hot second did I even entertain this concern because as soon as logic set in, I realized that the Mayans themselves had died off way before 2012 and when they were alive and thriving many moons ago, they most likely ran out of room to chisel in more time on that damn rock when they mapped out this damn calendar in the first place. So you see, it turned out that such a doomsday plan wasn’t necessary after all! Thank goodness because I don’t do well subsisting on canned food and Mamma Biscuit gets too restless being indoors for long
periods of time!

So here we are—still standing! Nothing new in Mamma Biscuit’s world. This old broad has been to hell and back growing up through the puppy mill system and no whacked out religious group or old civilization is gonna put a damper on Mamma Biscuit getting her drink on before the clock strikes midnight! So what do we have to toast to come 12AM, January first? How about the fact that in 2012, Madonna put on the best (and most watched) half time show in Super Bowl history! Or (with a sigh of relief) the reelection of Barack Obama to a second term in office! OK, so Whitney Houston decided to kick the bucket this year but I’m sure she is in a far better place than that of a sweaty and addicted life here on earth. And despite the fact that Dick Clark is no longer with us to ring in the new year, we all can look forward to Ryan Seacrest? I know, I know, Ryan Seacrest sucks but look on the bright side, we’ll all be too drunk to care who’s hosting what on TV! More importantly, we have a brand new year of Mamma Biscuit sharing her adventures here in NYC to look forward to so that should make up for any Dick Clark nostalgia you may have in my opinion!

So raise your glass if you are wrong in all the right ways and toast to all the underdogs like Mamma Biscuit! We’ve got a fun-filled year ahead of us and judging by Mamma Biscuit’s gender-bending, snazzy bow tie, I’d say she’s ready to go full throttle ahead into 2013, don’t you?

Here’s to a Happy and Healthy New Year and most importantly, drink responsibly!

Enjoy

It’s the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature is stirring, not even Mamma Biscuit! Our little gremlin has fallen asleep on the floor beside her toy, while waiting patiently for St. Nicholas to appear! Has she been naughty or nice? Only Santa knows—but for now, let the visions of soft-chew treats and sugar plums dance in her head as we tip-toe around her and take a tour of the Pug Palace in all of its Christmas glory!

Christmas would not be complete without a menagerie of goodies and toys for all good little girls and boys. Mamma’s workshop here is home to some of the most cutest dolls from Annalee that can give Santa up north a run for his money. Vintage and new dolls from years past sit upon this shelf unit that holds Tommy’s extensive record collection.

New for 2012 is Annalee’s rendition of a Christmas pug that Santa specifically sent for Mamma Biscuit at the start of the season. Notice how this adorable pug sticks out her tongue in the exact way Mamma does!

Dispersed between Mamma’s seasonal stuffed friends is a large, handmade, lighted, vintage ceramic peg Christmas tree that we scored many years ago from Mr. Pink before he went out of business here in NYC.

The plastic blow-mold of the snowman and Santa popping out of the chimney are lit with care and add an overall warm glow to Mamma’s little toy land!

Every nook and cranny of the Pug Palace has a splash of something seasonal. In the corner of one of our hallways sits this lovely vignette of glass balls with handcrafted scenes, mini Murano glass tress from Italy, mini snow globes and silver balls taken right off of some real wreaths sitting in a pile of trash on the Upper East Side many years ago—hey, one man’s trash is another man’s treasure! All of this sits alongside a tall green feather tree and garnished with sparkly snow that inevitably falls to the floor and into Mamma’s mouth at some point or other!

Everywhere you turn there’s a side table showcasing something special for the season!

If there is one thing Mamma loves most during the Holiday season, it’s decking the halls, or in this case, our entry ways with boughs of holly—no wait, pine—fake pine that is, but gorgeous none-of-the-less. From pine garnished with berries, fruit, retro holiday gift tags and glowing with old world flicker lights . . .

. . . to pine adorned with a menagerie of vintage glass, foil and paper ornaments, all aglow with Art Deco lights, entering or leaving Mamma’s main living room is always a spectacular experience.

Unfortunately, these entry ways also double up as an annoying obstructions for Mamma Biscuit when she makes a quick turn-style run out of our office to see who’s at the front door! Whenever I hear the clanging of glass and Mamma’s footsteps, my heart sinks a little!

Standing right beside the large garland display, to the right, is a blow mold Christmas masterpiece of Frosty the Snowman and a traditional noel candle. A french artist has created this blasphemous plastic concoction by combining these two iconic Christmas symbols with a blow torch and finishing it off by melting black and pink latex all over their surface—just what we have in mind when we think of Christmas, melted latex! I turned the lights off so that you can see the crazy latex detailing in the photograph better!

Last but not least, Mamma’s white, 6.5 foot pine Christmas tree furnished by Martha Stewart’s Holiday collection for Kmart—and this year, it rotates! That’s right people, Tommy’s mother sent us a rotating Christmas tree stand from Front Gate at the beginning of the season. We haven’t decided if we are going to keep it or not because the stand doesn’t make a nice smooth revolution (even after we exchanged it for a new one) but for now, our tree does rotate as it shows off hundreds (literally) of hand blown glass ornaments (mostly made in eastern Europe) mixed in with flocked and plastic ornaments (mostly made in occupied Japan) alongside paper and fabric ornaments—and whole lot of other types of ornaments as well.

Having a tree that rotates has really given us more decorating space overall. You essentially decorate every side of the tree as if it were the front so there is no such thing as hiding your ugly ornaments in the back! Despite the fact that we have more decorating room this year, Mamma and family have really reached a point where we still need to upgrade to a taller pine—any excuse really to acquire more ornaments. I will say this though, sitting on the sofa alongside Mamma Biscuit and gazing at the tree rotating in the corner for long periods of time while Holiday music softly plays off the record player has truly made my season merrier and brighter—until of course, when the curtain gets snagged onto a branch and starts to slowly wrap around the tree! Don’t laugh people, it’s happened several times this season and it’s frightening!

UH OH, who woke Mamma Biscuit up during this tour? Come forward, whomever you are!

The Biscuit Lady is now awake, and Santa is almost here and nothing is gonna get her back into bed.

I guess we won’t be leaving any Sweet Semosh treats for Santa this year. Mamma Biscuit will attack his plate of goodies with the quickness leaving our home the only home where Santa won’t have a snack! What will the neighbors think? It’s going to be a long night!

Mamma Biscuit and family would like to wish you all a very Merry Christmas!

Enjoy

You’ve all been waiting patiently for this moment all year long. Dreaming of a white Christmas or planning to rock around your respective Christmas trees is not gonna make this season bright for any of you. Santa may be coming to town but your not moving one damn inch to go home for Christmas! No, you all are waiting for Mamma Biscuit to unveil her famous Christmas Metropolis in order to ignite some sort of Christmas joy and spirit in your hearts—because, let’s face it, the typical silver bells just aren’t cutting it! What can I say, the Biscuit family has spoiled you all rotten! But who cares, you all have been naughty, not nice, and therefore deserve it! The moment has finally arrived people, so let the Pinterest games begin!

As you all know by now, this gigantic collection you see before you is 20 years in the making—and quite frankly, built into my Italian-American-love-for-Christmas DNA. While the average 15-year old was busy cultivating a budding social life and obsessively picking away at their acne-ridden face, I was busy obsessing over the Department 56 catalog with my parents—flushed with excitement as I agonized over which new building to add to what has now become this gigantic Holiday metropolis! Quite frankly, the fact that Mamma Biscuit is the heir to this Christmas extravaganza makes her the envy of all legitimate gold-digging wives worldwide! Since my teens, I have managed to collect more than 45 buildings and hundreds of accessories from both Department 56 and Lemax to create this wonderfully bustling Christmas-in-the-city extravaganza—and every year, it keeps growing! Now I know you all are wondering where in the hell do I store all of these goodies and well, I have the most amazing mother in the world who not only houses my houses off season but encourages the madness! My mother-in-law is also responsible for contributing to this mess throughout the years that Tommy and I have been together so she’s just as much to blame for this insanity as anyone else.

So let’s take a stroll, shall we? Our 5th Avenue is the road furthest to the back where almost all of the Department 56 buildings are positioned. Mamma Biscuit lives, works, shops and plays on this very road! Corporate Business may be what prevails during the day on this strip where the Flat Iron Building proudly stands but at night, The Starlight Room at The Paramount Hotel is the place to be! This premier gay nightclub (marked by the rainbow flag conveniently made with a toothpick and some rainbow ribbon) is bustling with the hottest gay boys and the most chic and fashionable crowd in town. Of course Mamma Biscuit works the velvet rope at the front door at this establishment and let’s just say that she makes Steven Rubel from Studio 54 look like a ticket collector at a County Fair in comparison-so we’re warning you right now, you better put an effort into your look or your not getting in!

If your anxious about planning a great date with that sexy so-and-so you’ve been chatting with online for a while now then make a reservation for two at the Little Italy Ristorante at the beginning of the road—Mamma Biscuit highly recommends them. They make a great vegan eggplant parmesan, and as you can see, the head chef gets his fruits and veggies freshly delivered.

If heavy Italian food or judgemental nightlife isn’t your speed, then come along and take a walk with Mamma Biscuit through Central Park. There’s great live music and the park rules are so loose, you’ll be able to drink Bavarian-size steins out in the open without the threat of getting a ticket! Hustlers and Hookers are totes welcome to set up shop too! Don’t worry though, that nun feeding the bird off to the side near the museum entrance has seen priests in her parish engage in far worse activity and won’t care if she overhears your desperate attempts at bargaining for a quickie in some back alley with a tranny lookin’ to make rent!

Check out the many nearby outdoor activities such as ice skating on the glass pond and the Annual Christmas Dog Show Pageant—in Mamma’s city, that pageant highlights rescue dogs only! If you’re looking for bright lights alla Times Square then go stand in front of the train station with the homeless, the Central Church with the god-fearing folk or the firehouse with those calendar-worthy muscle studs—these buildings are fiber-optic and give off the illusion of digital screens!

If you’ve got one hell of a sweet tooth, then Mamma’s Metropolis is the city to be in! Diana’s Bakery is a must for anyone looking for the best baked goods in this town! Diana herself is a huge fan of Sweet Semosh vegan cookies and cupcakes and she just recently added some of Tommy’s best baked goods to her menu. If Chocolate is your thing, you’re in luck too. There is a high-end chocolatier two store fronts down and their chocolates rival that of La Maison Du Chocolat. And for all you kids out there who are obsessed with candy, head on over to Peppermint Pete’s Candy Factory (a new addition from Department 56) and get your hard-candy-Christmas fix.

Whatever your pleasure is, Mamma Biscuit is positive you can find it here in her Holiday Metropolis. Bustling and bursting at the seams with Holiday excitement, this urban Christmas display up in Mamma’s Pug Palace is just another reason why Christmas in New York City is a unique and wonderful experience!

Enjoy