What made Mamma Biscuit so deserving of an entire bounty of Sweet Semosh vegan baked goods? Might it be that she was such a good little girl during our recent trip to Toronto? Or that she’s the perfect model? Maybe it’s because she dreams of cupcakes dancing around her head. Whatever the reason, Mamma and I woke up to an overcast Saturday morning waiting for what luckily turned out to be a mild hurricane named Irene, and more luckily, a plethora of vegan baked treats we’d like to share with you!
For those who don’t know, Sweet Semosh baked goods are by far NYC’s best vegan desserts! These unique dairy-and egg-free delectables are baked from scratch with artisan craft daily! Mamma, along with dessert lovers everywhere, agrees that these treats taste better than conventional cupcakes and cookies. Baking exclusively cruelty-free, Tommy has perfected the art of compassionate dessert baking. And being of the four-legged, imprisoned variety, Mamma certainly appreciates compassion. Additionally she only shares the very best with her readers as you know, so scroll down and feast your eyes on the treats Tommy had waiting for us! **WARNING** YOU MAY LICK YOUR SCREEN.
First up on our tropical storm menu are these amazing Coconut Dream Cupcakes with toasted coconut flakes. The delicious, dense coconut cake is surprisingly light and buttery. The coconut icing is to die for. Mamma is glad Tommy takes the time to gently toast his coconut shavings. Honestly, these cupcakes blow any Magnolia cupcake out of the water and quite frankly, Carrie Bradshaw should have been nibbling on one of these instead. At least no chickens and cows were tortured for these treats so they are truly guilt-free in that department!
And these cupcakes with the green icing are Coconut Dream Cupcakes kissed with fresh lime juice. We wanted to get real tropical, ya’ll.
Next up are one of Tommy’s signature cookies, these amazing Chocolate Chip Melting Moments. These buttery biscuit-like cookies are sandwiched together with rich chocolate chip butter cream icing. And again no dairy is used to create the cream! Unbelievable? Believe it!
The cookies with the green icing are Coconut Lime Melting Moments with the same coconut lime icing Tommy frosted his Coconut Dream Cupcakes with. We all know chocolate is a no-no for Mamma, so Tommy created these heavenly cookies with Our Lady of Biscuits in mind. She can’t wait to taste what else comes out of the Sweet Semosh oven.
We really couldn’t have planned a better way to weather out the storm than to cozy up with our Biscuit Lady and our good friends at Doorsixteen to enjoy Sweet Semosh baked goods!
Whenever Mamma Biscuit returns from a visit to the groomers her coat feels as soft and luxurious as a cashmere sweater and she smells like one of those pine fresheners (in citrus scent) hanging in the inside of a brand new car. It’s no wonder Tommy couldn’t resist picking her up during a stroll through Inwood Hill Park. He really wanted to snuggle-up into her built-in mink stole around her neck for a sniff & kiss, can you blame him? In fact, the fresh scent of our Lady of Biscuits could actually give Fabreze a run for their money—she literally freshens up our apartment by simply walking from room to room, under our feet!
Anyway, here are a few photos that I took of Mamma and Pappa having a “squeeze and hug†moment in the park. Is it me or is Mamma Biscuit completely smiling in these photos? and her tongue is looking especially meaty too!
Enjoy and keep safe. That bitch Hurricane Irene has really thrown a gigantic wrench in our weekend plans!
They say that dogs have a keen sense of smell and that their natural instincts surface from time to time to remind us all of their breed qualities and wild roots. Unfortunately, Mamma Biscuit’s instincts and sense of smell are as sharp as a plastic knife at a summer barbecue. It’s really comical to witness our little Biscuit Lady leaping out from her doughnut bed upon hearing the jingling of keys at the front door—and then to literally watch her run in the completely opposite direction towards the closet door in the office to greet who she thinks is about to enter into our apartment! Or to have Mamma run out of the elevator after a walk outdoors and to watch her make a wrong turn away from our apartment door as she heads right into the Dominican family’s apartment down the hall who leave their door open all the time! If you think that’s ridiculous, well then these photos really take Mamma to a whole other level of absurdity.
Poor little Biscuit was out on a morning walk along the lake when she stumbled upon a garden statue of a fawn made out of painted concrete and thought she would sniff it like a real creature! Mamma Biscuit amazes me—we could be walking throughout the streets of Manhattan and she will exude such a snotty level of indifference to any other dog who comes her way but put her in front of an inanimate object in the shape of an animal and she’s on it like white on rice. I wish I had taken a photo of her confused yet disappointed face after she worked her nose into a frenzy on this concrete lawn decoration—it was priceless!
On August 16, 1958, an Italian-American girl named Madonna Louise Veronica Ciccone was born. On that very day, Bay City, Michigan gave to the world a girl who would become the greatest pop act of all time! Madonna, or as Mamma Biscuit likes to call her, Madge remains the single most influential woman of all time and the Queen of our pantheon. Hell, I’ve been obsessed with this bitch since she dry-humped a stage floor wearing a slutty wedding gown with a Boy Toy belt buckle while singing Like a Virgin at the MTV Music Awards in 1985—and my obsession just grew tremendously from that point on! Don’t get me wrong people, I still love to hate this woman as much as simply loving her—afterall, that is the dichotomy known as Madonna!
Our Queen of Reinvention has managed to forge a 30-year career in the music industry as a vocal and visual mouthpiece for breaking down antiquated barriers of sexuality, gender and religion while retaining a level of iconic style, clever irony, humor and overall mainstream pop appeal. Madonna has created hit after hit of songs about the freedom and joys of being on a dance floor as well as life’s inequalities within gender, sex, love and religion. She has been able to encapsulate each and every one of those hits with an incredibly artistic and provocative yet perfectly appropriate visual within her music videos and her live performances. With every controversy that Madge has either created herself or has simply landed upon by default, there has been a continuous, underlying theme of finding and celebrating ones’ individual power, conviction and pride within self expression, creativity and sexuality. This theme has not only had a profound relevancy with her fans but has continued to garner her new legions of fans along the way—especially with her ever-changing sound and image—all of which has solidified her staying-power in the music industry. Despite all of her critics who have tried over and over again to predict her demise, Madonna has proven over and over again that she is unstoppable and that Italians really do do it better. Say what you will about her—that she is talentless, a mediocre singer, a bad actress (yes, I am aware of the travesty known as Swept Away and The Next Best Thing among many other Razzie Award-winning movies of hers) but the truth of the matter is that the world as a whole would be a pretty fucking boring place without Madonna—and that’s a hard fact! The one thing this woman has in spades is showmanship and a set of balls that would make any male chauvinistic pig recoil in fear!
When Madonna sings, “You deserve the best in life so if the time isn’t right then move on. Second best is never enough, you’ll do much better baby on your own†in Express Yourself or “It makes no difference if you’re black or white, if you’re a boy or a girl, if the music’s pumping, it will give you new life, you’re a superstar, yes, that’s what you are, you know it” in Vogue, women, gay men and all pugs worldwide identified with the significance of those lyrics—the importance of not only loving yourself but realizing your true value as a person in this world. The Biscuits have always admired Madonna’s willingness to fully invest in what she believes in—even if she has laughed herself all the way to the bank. She has said on numerous occasions that fame is not and should never be a goal but rather the result of your work and Madonna’s entire body of work has not only defined the template for all pop stars worldwide but has helped shape the modern social attitudes we take for granted today. So today we praise Madonna for exploiting her very own personal sexuality (note to Dita in the Sex book) to make larger statements about our cultural repression of women’s sexual desires and fantasies. We praise her for relentlessly pushing an open and public discussion about safe sex, gay rights and the urgency of the AIDS epidemic and the rising rates of HIV in both the gay and heterosexual communities—especially in a time when it was seen as unfavorable to the career of a mainstream pop artist. As an atheist, I’m personally proud that she has been excommunicated from the Catholic Church by the Vatican (thatta a girl). It really comes as no surprise as most organized religion has a problem with any woman who shows little to no shame for their sexuality and their desires—even when it’s obviously displayed in a tongue-and-cheek-sort-of-way. We also praise M-dolla for setting an extremely high standard regarding her music videos and her incredibly theatrical and artistic live shows that really highlight and celebrate gay culture and gay talent. We praise her for shoving all of this in every grandmothers’ living room in America and pushing the limits of censorship of artistic expression. And last but not least, we praise her for giving us countless iconic and iconoclastic styles from her extensive archive of fashion. Without her Jean Paul Gaultier cone bra, Lady Gaga’s machine gun bra would actually be original!
On a statistical note, Madonna has sold more than 300 million records worldwide and is recognized as the world’s top-selling female recording artist of all time by the Guinness World Records. According to the Recording Industry Association of America (RIAA), she is the best-selling female rock artist of the 20th century and the second top-selling female artist in the United States, behind Barbra Streisand, with 64 million certified albums. In 2008, Billboard magazine ranked Madonna at number two, behind only The Beatles, on the Billboard Hot 100 All-Time Top Artists, making her the most successful solo artist in the history of the Billboard chart. She was also inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in the same year. Considered to be one of the “25 Most Powerful Women of the Past Century†by Time for being an influential figure in contemporary music, Madonna is known for continuously reinventing both her music and image, and for retaining a standard of autonomy within the recording industry. Wow, that was a mouthful, thank you Wikipedia!
With that said, The Biscuits would like to wish Madonna a very happy birthday! We thank you for providing the soundtrack to countless hours of losing our inhibitions on a dance floor and simply allowing us to get into our respective grooves. We hope that you are shaking that perfectly sculpted and taught 53-year-old tushie on a dance floor today to celebrate your life—although I might suggest you wear sleeves on that dance floor, those Gollum arms are rather frightening! Oh and remember kids, there wouldn’t be a Mother Monster without Grandma Monster and although I love me some Lady Gaga, Madonna will always hold a special place in my dirty, rebellious, forever-preteen heart!
Enjoy the link below to the opening of Madonna’s Confessions Tour in 2006—in my opinion, the best concert opening that any artist has ever put together!
Like a Virgin back then. . . . get it girl!
and Like a Virgin, NOW! I’m sorry, I just couldn’t resist—after all, this is Mamma Biscuit’s favorite Madonna song despite the fact that Mamma hasn’t been a virgin since Mariah Carey graced the silver screen with that horrendous Glitter movie!
And lastly, an incredible interview on Nightline in 1990 showcasing a very articulate, strong and intelligent Madonna justifying her love and her freedom to. . . . you know, be a bimbo or whatever. . . .and to express herself!
. . . along with the Justify My Love music video (sigh, Tony Ward is so HOT) which was banned from MTV!
Enjoy and Long Live the Crypt Keeper of Pop errrr I mean Long Live the Queen of Pop!
Photographs of Madonna by Marcus Piggott and Mert Alas Lauded for Interview, May 2010 issue.
