A Winter Portrait!

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When Punxsutawney Phil (the Pennsylvania groundhog) emerged from his dwelling at Gobbler’s Knob on Wednesday, February 2nd of last week, he did not see his damn shadow. A huge declaration of an early Spring in some “ye olde towne” language followed and I was the only annoying prick on Facebook trivializing this prediction (as well as this annoying custom) and pointed (logically) to global warming as a more likely indication for an early Spring! Personally, I prefer the predictions from Staten Island Chuck as I like to support a groundhog from the mean and dirty streets of New York City and I loved that he bit Mayor Bloomberg’s finger in 2009 but no matter which beast and their respective shadows you choose to follow, the truth is, we really haven’t had much of a Winter thus far except for last week when the temperatures dropped to near Tundra levels! Anyway, it turns out that good ol’ Punxsutawney Phil and I were both wrong about our predictions/assumptions about seasonal change because days later, on Saturday evening, we had a small snow storm that yielded a dusting of 2 inches—and we’re expecting more snow today and tomorrow! How’s that for speaking too soon about warmer weather? Ok, these paltry 2 inches of snow cannot compare to snow storms of years’ past, but snow is still snow! Children still get excited at the prospects of having a day off from school and Mamma loves a good swift walk through the white stuff at least once a season! Jesus, that last line I just wrote makes Mamma sound like a cocaine addict!

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So Sunday morning, we woke up to a fresh coat of white snow covering the dirty streets of Washington Heights and we decided on a whim to take Mamma Biscuit out into Fort Tryon Park to snap some Winter portraits! How apropos that the day before, we stopped into Downtown Doghouse Pet Salon & Boutique in Chelsea for some doggy shopping and picked up this snuggly pink sweater dress with white snowflake design and white-trimmed double hem!

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Who knew that the very next day it would actually snow! This pretty shade of pink matches exactly with the same shade of Mamma’s tongue—and at an affordable price, how could we not add it to Mamma’s growing wardrobe?

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A few peanut butter treats along the way kept our Biscuit Lady focused in front of the lens and generally happy. That’s the thing, Mamma Biscuit will sit and pose for anything if she knows there’s food involved! It was quite warm outside for the early morning hours but as you can see, Mamma sure loves digging her face into snow and licking the icy flakes.

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After sitting Mamma on several benches to take photographs, we then took a lovely walk through the entire park and exited out onto Dyckman Street where we dropped Mamma Biscuit off at her groomers for a day at the spa! When she returned home several hours later, she smelled like the interiors of a brand new car and felt as soft and supple as a cashmere sweater!

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When the weather is this Wintery and cold, Tommy loves nothing more than preheating his oven to 350 degrees and hitting the Sweet Semosh kitchen for a little baking—and that’s exactly what he did. While the snow was falling outside and Mamma was away at the groomers, we kept warm and busy inside by turning out tray after tray of Snowball Cookies. Yes! It’s the perfect combination of shortbread and a chocolate chip cookie with just the appropriate name to describe the weather conditions outdoors. Think buttery shortbread goodness with a handful of chocolate chip morsels. Now think of powdered sugar (much like the snow falling outside) blanketing these treats. Superb! They’re delicious with a mug of hot cocoa, a cup of coffee, or all by their tasty selves.

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Either way, snowball cookies are a wonderful way to warm your spirit and to think of Winter fondly—so take that Mr. Punxsutawney Phil and your way-off foreshadowing of an early Spring because here at the Biscuit household, we’re still enjoying our cozy Winter days!

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Keep warm and let’s not rush through the Winter season!

Enjoy

Posted in Fashion, Holiday, NYC Life, Outdoor Life, Portraits, Sweet Semosh | 10 Comments

Face Lift!

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I’ve always felt that there are two things that distinguish a true New Yorker from the rest of the world and both happen to be subway related. The first is that all true New Yorkers know exactly where to stand on the subway platform while waiting for their respective trains to come in so that they will position themselves at exactly the right spot when exiting the subway onto another platform—or to the nearest exits of their respective destinations! I know, that was a mouthful but it’s totally true! The second is that all true New Yorkers are well aware of Dr. Zizmor, M.D. based on his horrifying yet refreshingly artless and naïve subway posters that litter every single line that runs throughout the five boroughs of the city. For nearly 30 years, the subway dermatologist hero (the first to advertise on the subway) has made the same basic appeal by using some really bad design aesthetics. Elements such as the before-and-after photo, the zero-interest payment plan, the cheerful rainbow, an actual patient’s “thank you” note, some really bad clip art and enough colorful, attention-grabbing bursts to make this acid/trippy banner an eye-bleeder for all strap hangers—locals and tourists alike. If you haven’t laid your eyes on this graphic design masterpiece, then click here. I’ve personally been so drawn to this subway poster for years now that I sometimes contemplate how I’ll incorporate the same design elements on some of my book covers at my job as a huge prank to play on my art director. But even I, a lover of all things kitsch and tacky cannot bring myself to set type in this fashion let alone color spec anything with such garish tones!

Anyway, about a week ago, Tommy and I were on our way to the East Village one evening and stumbled upon this Dr. Zizmor-spoof poster advertising the new Kroll Show on Comedy Central while riding the A train downtown! I have no idea what this show is about but I certainly knew that this poster was a spoof and not a real advertisement for some sick canine plastic surgeon and his sick and twisted services—see, I’m a real New Yawka, I got the reference! Actually, I’d like to add a third quality that defines a true New Yorker—that being the fact that I totally swiped this poster from the light box in the subway car full of witnesses! All true New Yorkers have stolen a subway ad at some point in their commuting experiences, so who are you to judge me?

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Anyway, I just could not contain myself regarding the stunning before-and-after photos of that pooch named “Brad” or the emotionless portrait of Dr. Armond as he’s being licked by a potential or repeat customer—both elements sandwiching a quote that reads:

“When push comes to shove, I wouldn’t trust my dog’s plastic surgery to anyone but Dr. Armond.”
—”Liz” from TV’s Kroll Show

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This is seriously some brilliant stuff and I just had to bring this poster home so that I could have Mamma Biscuit pose in front of it! Just look at our little Biscuit Lady looking like Dr. Armond’s receptionist at his office! Judging by Mamma’s bored/almost asleep look, we can assume that Dr. Armond is booked up until 2015, so grab a ticket and wait in line!

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As you watch the enclosed link below of the Dr. Armond skit on the Kroll Show, think about the philosophy behind this brilliant quote:

“You wouldn’t buy an ugly sofa; you wouldn’t talk to an ugly person. I only hire very attractive people and my third wife is one of the most beautiful women I know.”
—Steven Armond, M.D.

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I can’t with this, I just can’t!

Enjoy and Happy Friday

Posted in Just Because . . ., NYC Life, Oddities, Transportation | 10 Comments

Pretty in Pink!

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To say that it has been one brutally cold week here in New York City is a total understatement! What can I say about four consecutive days of 15-degree highs and wind chills in the negatives? I literally had to pick up my frozen face from the pavement while walking Mamma Biscuit all week long—and quite frankly, I’m ready to go back to our global warming temperatures from weeks past! Friday has finally arrived and the forecast is calling for a damn snow storm to hit the tri-state area. PERFECT, just in time for the weekend! Shit, both Mamma Biscuit and I don’t need a good, solid reason to stay in our respective robes watching TV all weekend long, so bring on the icy mess mother nature—we’ve got every season of the Golden Girls on DVD and a house full of food: in other words, we’re totally ready for you! Actually, Mamma Biscuit doesn’t even have a robe in her wardrobe but she sometimes lounges around the Pug Palace in a pink dog snuggie—hey, don’t judge me, it was a gift people! Anyway, what better way to wait for a snow storm than to have Mamma Biscuit cozy up on the master bed wearing her new pink sweater? Pretty in pink, isn’t she?

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I like to call this pink sweater Mamma’s Connie Russo from Married to the Mob look! You all remember that movie from 1988 starring Michelle Pfeiffer, Alec Baldwin and Matthew Modine, right? Well, the star of that movie in my opinion was Mercedes Ruehl playing the role of Connie Russo: the horny mafia kingpin’s wife who tries so hard to deal with her insecurities about the fact that her husband wanted so badly to have an affair with Angela de Marco, the widow played by Michelle Pfeiffer! Anyway, this sweater is highly reminiscent of Connie’s entire wardrobe throughout the movie and it definitely has all of the typical mob wife accents that any pug could ever ask for in a garment!

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It’s got silver glitter thread weaved into the overall pink yarn and those knitted rosette appliques lining Mamma Biscuit’s spine just scream “other woman” or “I’m looking for a sponsor.” It would be like a day without orange juice for Mamma Biscuit to not fall asleep halfway through a photoshoot, and that’s exactly what she did while waiting for the snow to start falling!

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Of course, it’s so typical for Mamma Biscuit to wake up immediately from a deep sleep when Tommy walks into the room with food in his hands—ready to give him her undivided attention and hopefully land some treats in her mouth and in her belly!

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Anyway, let’s hope we don’t get too much snow today or worse, have a weekend full of wet, messy sleet mixed with snow and rain! Both Mamma and I are hoping for some white fluffy stuff so we can take a walk through Fort Tryon Park to play in it. One thing is for sure, she won’t be heading outdoors wearing this pink sweater, she only wears it to get her hair set in curlers at the doggie salon on a dry day!

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Happy Friday and let the snow games begin!

Enjoy

Posted in Fashion, Knitware | 14 Comments

Mamma’s Mid-January Christmas Picks, 2013!

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There is nothing more depressing to me than having to walk Mamma Biscuit passed the many piles of dead Christmas trees flanked along any given sidewalk throughout our neighborhood. It’s like a graveyard of sorts on almost every street corner in this city and the deceased here is Christmas—our beloved Holiday that we Biscuits plan for all year long! Actually, what depresses me most is that some of those very trees in the trash still have their metal tree stands still attached to the trunk—and some (gasping while clutching the pearls around my neck) even have several forgotten ornaments still attached to low-hanging branches here and there! How can anyone possibly be so stupid or callus as to simply trash ornaments or a perfectly reusable tree stand come January? I guess I’ll never really know why people do the shit they do but I do know one thing, as the third week in January approaches, we Biscuits start to get nostalgic for Christmas all over again. I know, you all probably don’t share the same love for Christmas the way we do but to us, Christmas is an all-year affair—and as of today, only 340 days way! So if you too feel depressed about the end of the Holidays and need to be nursed back into the spirit without the help of prescribed or illegal drugs, then come along and check out Mamma’s mid-January Christmas picks. If this doesn’t inspire you to scour the internet for more Holiday wares that you probably don’t even need, then I don’t know what will!

Lights, lights and more lights—the pure symbol of Christmas itself, although the LED movement has really thrown a wrench (and some really cold, horrible lighting) in the market for the iconic C7 and C9 bulbs. The industry is already working fast to try to make regular incandescent light bulbs look better as they slowly take away our traditional light bulbs (one wattage at a time) but who knows what will be available from year to year. I can’t even imagine how they plan on coiling up LED technology to fit my beloved tipped chandelier light bulbs—the visual in my head frightens me!

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Anyway, we thought we would just immortalize these C9 light bulbs in ornament-form on our tree this way we’ll have them every year moving forward—unless of course Mamma Biscuit brushes up against a branch on the tree with her curly tail and knocks one of them down onto the floor!

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Crate and Barrel had some really fun stuff this year in regards to Christmas ornaments and these glass bulb clip ornaments were part of their collection! Super cute, well crafted and only 3 bucks a pop (so you know I had to get every damn color they had) these ornaments add that special nod to a nearly extinct light bulb!

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Looking for something geometric and 1960’s inspired? So were we! Again, Crate and Barrel came through for us with these glass, diamond-shaped ornaments in red and magenta.

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I love how the hook is fashioned on these ornaments and they remind me of some vintage Department 56 ornaments that I have inherited from my Christmas tree growing up!

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Last but not least (and never one to shy away from anything super kitsch) we stumbled upon this hand-made ornament at a vintage clothing shop while visiting Chicago in early October of 2012 that really caught my eye. Beautifully handcrafted, this lady-ornament is a cross between a cake-topper at a typical Quinceañera and a fan-made doll of Lady Gaga rolled into one—so of course, we had to have it!

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So that’s it for now folks! As I said earlier within this post, Christmas is only 340 days away and it’s never too early to start planning!

Enjoy

Posted in Holiday, Vintage | 8 Comments

A Bronx Tale!

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The Holidays of 2012 have finally come to an end and we here at the Biscuit household are thoroughly exhausted! It took us about two weeks to dismantle Mamma Biscuit’s Christmas Land at the Pug Palace and I must say that I feel incredibly accomplished at how organized and efficient I was with the whole process. Packing nearly 500 ornaments in tissue paper can be a daunting task (and that’s not even touching that damn Christmas village, which in my opinion, takes a village to put up and to take down) but I plowed through and reclaimed the Pug Palace as the clean and spacious apartment it was before the Holiday season. Mamma Biscuit is totes enjoying all of that extra leg room post Holiday—especially when she sets off aimlessly walking around the apartment scouring the floors for anything edible! Anyway, to reward ourselves for all of the hard work we put in this year, we decided to pack up the Biscuit Lady and head out onto a Bx12 bus to hit the good old Arthur Avenue neighborhood in the boogie-down Bronx. It’s been a while since I’ve personally visited, however, Tommy was constantly in and out of Arthur Avenue this entire Holiday season picking up almond paste for baking and fresh bread from the many bakeries lining both Arthur Avenue and East 187th Street. Whenever I make my way back to this Italian enclave up north, my mind is immediately flooded with memories of being a little boy and laying across the back seat of my father’s gigantic Lincoln Continental (furnished with maroon velvet pillows) with my father driving and my mother in the passenger seat as we headed toward Arthur Avenue for fresh bread, olive oil, meats and fish—all while listening to Italian pop music on the 8-track player in the car. When My parents first emigrated to this country from Calabria, Italy, they moved directly into this area of the Bronx (Decatur Avenue to be exact) and they lived there long enough to have my sister and my brother before moving to the suburbs of Westchester County, where I was born. Now they may have left the Bronx to live with the wealthy up north but that did not stop them from returning weekly to shop for food and other Italian-made products—and so began my experiences tagging along with them as a child. Our visit would always turn into an eating fest as we made pit stops at the many pizzerias, cafés, bakeries and food markets along the way—and our visit last weekend was in no way different from when I was a child. So come along with us as Mamma Biscuit makes her way back to the old neighborhood. With a name like Mamma Biscuit, you know she can practically pass as the next Godfather with an offer you couldn’t possibly refuse. I mean, her epic tongue alone is the new pinky ring in my opinion!

Our first stop along the way was at the Vincent Ciccarone Playground at the beginning of Arthur Avenue. Mamma Biscuit posed for a few portraits in the park as the children played on the swing set behind us.

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Our little gremlin looked so sweet in her royal purple turtleneck knit with bow and button accents—a new sweater given to her as a Holiday gift from yours truly! Gem colors suit her best and Mamma’s signature color is royal purple. Pairing that color with this vibrant blue dragon fly crystal brooch that our friend Tova gave us last year was the perfect detail for an outfit made for strutting through the old Italian neighborhood!

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I could just hear Madonna’s Who’s That Girl? playing in the minds of every passerby that took notice of the Biscuit Lady as she pranced on down the block lookin’ this fabulous! Our girl can make a simple errand like heading into the markets to squeeze a zucchini look this fierce and fabulous!

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After sneaking Mamma Biscuit into a pizzeria for a quick slice of pizza (I had a traditional Sicilian slice and Tommy had a totally vegan Sicilian slice without any cheese) we made our way to the famous Teitel Brothers corner store to peruse all of the amazing imported goods such as canned tomato sauce, olive oil, pasta, vegetables and Panetone.

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It’s a tradition since 1915 that this establishment put on display these imported goods right at the foot of the front door—literally making every pedestrian stop to shop!

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We have a house fully stocked with enough Italian carbs so we didn’t purchase anything but we did stop in front of the family mural alongside the wall of the store to take a few comical photos of Tommy gesticulating like some kind of goombah while holding Mamma Biscuit in his arms! There must be a dead wise man somewhere turning in his grave at the thought of us mocking this absurd Italian-American culture—but it was all done in good jest!

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Aggravated because you can’t find a parking spot on Arthur Avenue? Maybe Jesus can make one open up for you. Alongside the entrance wall to the paid public parking lot off Arthur Avenue sits this crazy mural of Jesus alongside a rest-in-heaven portrait of some guy named Anton D. Nikci over the Polska eagle emblem. At least I think that eagle emblem is from the Polish flag but either way, it’s so fucking New York I can’t handle it!

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The rough rendering of Jesus looking on, bored, as Mamma Biscuit and I posed for a quick photo before entering a bakery for a hot chocolate and some baking ingredients for Mr. Sweet Semosh is what the Bronx is all about baby!

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After a fun-filled visit to Arthur Avenue, we hopped back on the express bus, leaving the boogie down Bronx and made our way down to the Green Flee Market on the Upper West Side for a quick look-see.

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As you can see, Mamma took a quick nap in her carry on bag during the commute and in general, she loves being carried around this big bad city in her Lacosté travel bag—which serves as a mobile sleeping bag for her!

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At the flee market, we met a Russian woman who was selling a whole bunch of really bad costume jewelry. As I eyed the table of goods, I stumbled upon a pair of Chanel clip on earrings that were so horribly painted and executed that I just knew immediately that Mamma Biscuit had to have them. They barely stayed onto Mamma’s incredibly soft, cashmere-like ears but luckily, they remained from falling within just enough time for us to capture her wearing them in a photograph.

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The Russian woman was so amused (as was everyone else around us) that she gave the earrings to me for a couple of bucks, and of course, I bought them! After all, Mamma Biscuit could never have too much Chanel in her wardrobe—even poorly executed knockoffs like these damn earrings!

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And then we came across this . . . .

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I’m not even going to try and understand why anyone in their right mind would want this in their home—or why the seller was trying to convince me that 900 bucks was a steal for this bloody, 18th Century Spanish art made from wood!

We ended our day getting yummy vegan sandwiches from Blossom Du Jour at their Lincoln Center location. I love the fact that we can eat in this food establishment without having to hide Mamma Biscuit!

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Our relaxed family outing was a much needed change from the exhaustive Holidays that just passed—and Mamma Biscuit is looking forward to a Winter filled with days such as these!

Enjoy

Posted in Fashion, NYC Life, Vintage | 11 Comments